right now

Now. right now. how i feel is strange. like i should always and forever feel this way. that i should strive to never leave this thought. go only toward the furthering of this thought.

its a discussion i want to have. its open to everyone. of course. its about everyone. anyone and everyone. everything. about our bones. made of the same stuff. the same stuff that has always existed. my bones are made of things that dinosaurs ate, digested, consumed....of their bones and what was in them. 212 bones of history in every person. 6 quarts of history. how many pairs of genes? of the same genetic material. the same elements. same chemical compounds. we eat things that ate things that were grown somewhere sometime. could be far away. could be in your backyard. could be on a farm half way across the world. where did it-they get what t/i needed to flourish. or to subsist but anyways...it was alive. something was. and it was absorbed. digested. energy was taken from it. that energy manifest in someway. through some form of action,

the world we live in. on. its part of a greater cosmos. the entire universe. one tiny little planet in one small galaxy. how many are there? how big is space? we live as a part of that. all that. everyone of us. all included. our life, lives, life our life together. our problems. our concerns exist as a part of that impossible to fathom immensity. i didn't get a proper dinner tonight. so the fuck what? there's way way way more than enough food on this planet to feed everyone. everything. yet we do things that make it somehow too difficult for ourselves to keep this in perspective. what are we thinking about? an infinite amount of things that obscure our view of a truly honest perspective.

but it has to start right here doesn't it? it didnt start here but it can start here for me. it can pick up here.

I turned 33 yrs old

My birthday was one to remember. My friends are so wonderful. I'm seriously so blessed. I'm overwhelmed by the all the love I received. I don't know how to say thank you enough. Thank you. I just have to put it out there. Even if here is hardly the place because next to no one will ever see it. Still, its too much to hold in. Its not enough to just think it. There isn't enough space in my head for it all. I'm humbled. Thank you. Thank you for loving me. I love you so much. I have so much to give. i don't mean I'm all that. I mean if I have anything its a heart. A big big heart that cares for everyone. I see beauty everywhere. I want everyone to know how very much they deserve love. Whether you're giving it or not. You're worth it. You have so much inside you too. There's nothing to be afraid of. Life is too short not to go and get what you want. No one is stopping you. I know we can all do it. We can be whatever we want to be. It feels so amazing to give. It comes back so many more times over. If I've learned anything in all this time I've been alive its that.

Tennis is the Summer Jam of 2010

Fuckin' A, right? Seriously if you're not playing it on repeat you better ask somebody. Its sooo much fun and its the new dance that everybody can do.

Oh yes they did!

Yesterday, sitting in my favorite taqueria, Papalote, I overheard a conversation between two over-60 women sitting at the table next to me. The first thing that caught my attention was that their otherwise sophisticated speech was peppered liberally with a surprising amount of curse words. I'm not sure if this is weird but I have a habit of trying to honor people's privacy by doing my best to not listen in on things that aren't intended for me. Or at least tune them out at intervals to keep myself from completely following along. Also, I'm partly afraid that I'll react to something they've said and thereby completely blow my cover. So, back n forth, I'm listening, one of them has been wronged by a partner, but now she's "totally fucking over it".

I'm not listening.

Someone they know, maybe one of the women's girlfriends, has to go to Washington, D.C. "that shithole".

Not listening, trying to take in the scenery, nibble at my chips, try not to get caught looking (again) at a very, very pretty woman that happens to be positioned directly in front of me.

One of the women is up for her half-year review.

"You've had a great year so far".

[In a slightly hushed tone] "My supervisor told me they're gonna give me a raise".

And then it happened...Old-lady fist pound. Across the table, fists extended, boom! I audibly gasped. I looked hungrily for someone else in the room who had seen it. My wide-eyed amazement met only the very, very pretty woman's eyes. Of course she hadn't seen it, only my crazy face looking for someone to share the moment. Fuck it, that was awesome.